I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
