i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
