there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
