you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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