so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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