I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
