oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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