How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
