i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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