Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
