I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
