yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
