i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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