omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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