Define "chronic" masturbator.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
