Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
