My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are we still banned from the library?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
