is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
