If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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