I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Your dad touched me again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
