Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
is it fun? or sober?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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