I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
