So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
