P.S. I can't hear my feet
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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