Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
