hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
