he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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