Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
