I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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