"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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