i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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