a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
