i would punch a child for taco bell
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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