Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
