i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
