I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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