Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
