She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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