I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize