Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
