Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
