roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize
