Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize