I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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