If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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