What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize