There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
