We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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