yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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