Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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