I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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