non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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