Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
