I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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