the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
