I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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