question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
