batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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