let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
