no, he came in my armpit
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
