if i died would you start the facebook group?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
