How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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