I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
