Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Alive.
So much puke
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
