Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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