these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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