i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
