I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
