do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
