You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize