Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
