I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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