Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
